mercredi 7 mai 2008

Justification

As an Experimental parody, the gala of the sad squash is a distortion of many recent “Heaven’s Libraries” stories that got published as “Family Production” for their younger members. The ideas are taken from such stories as “Ernie and the Flat-Screen”, “Prodigy", “Galactic crusades” and many more. The main burlesque of these stories present in “The Gala” is the poor English used (besides the complicated words mixed in to appear barely cultured) as well as the large jumble of clues and information given in the beginning of the book to intrigue the reader and make the story more interesting. Of course this style has been over-used by the authors of “Heaven’s libraries” and has become a laughing matter. Many other elements are clichéd in the book as well as sarcastic remarks and ironic situations. For Family members to take with a grain of salt!

The introduction of this book makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and is not necessary to read to understand the plot. Take that into mind before you give up reading due to the mess the intro can be.

The Gala Of The Sad Squash (chapter 1-4)

Copyright© 2006 by God

The Gala of the Sad Squash

Editor’s note:

This issue is the first of a new series entitled “The Gala of the Sad Squash” which will span several printing page issues. We pray that you will find this story interesting and fun to read, and that the spiritual parallels will be clear.

This series is quite unlike anything that has gone out in the past, and it may be a little surprising at first, but we trust that as you read each of the parts, any questions you may have will be answered.

Parents will want to note that while their younger children might possibly enjoy and benefit from this series, it would probably be good idea to have read it personally, beforehand, and then read it with younger children, at least the first time around, so that you’re able to explain anything that they might not understand as well as help them to get the right perspective on some of the issues and events. There are also a few slightly “heavier” scenes that you may want to watch out for, or at least familiarise yourselves with beforehand.

The storyline is also a little complicated, and some younger children might require help placing the different characters and understanding the plot. Also note that this series uses spelling consistent with UK English rules.

For ages 18 and over.

May be read to 16 and 17 year olds at parents’ and/or teachers’ discretion.

Intro:

If the gala of the sad squash had a begoting glow it would have woken the carrier who had the key to the mystery.

What mystery? –The golden mystery of course, and well brought by as to be the display. Baths and showers were minimised that week in order to prevail in the foul smell that the mystery required. Many schist involved thinking and preparation, where as the doing was agreeably easy play.

Hadpludinburg was expectedly exited that day, so in that doing he was the offer of the week, making plateaus and reservations all throughout the season. He had just finished the weekly anuation when a knock on his door startled him up from consciousness.

Then, he heard a shout: “Open up doorwise in order to allow us additional penetration to be heard of all in due time”. Hadpludinburg sighed at what he called the “them God damn filthy bastards” that he knew all too well. He had the Christian name tins to organise before primarily commencing his day of manual labour and needn’t be troubled with the all too immense heap of rubbish that left a dreadful flavour in his oral cavity subsequent to each reflection pertaining to them.

An additional batter on the access made Hadpludinburg jump upbeat, swing the entrance open and strike the citizens in the facade. They leaped back with bolts from the blue as the child battered them with his fist. Now this young chap held a reputation of being a passive lad who would never envision slaughtering all and sundry. Nevertheless, on this occasion it was too much considered, he as he sustained thrashing the men, at this moment with a metallic bar that had originated from the floor. After the men had lost a hefty quantity of blood, they decided towards letting Hadpludinburg be, as long as he completed their plateaus in their names as speedily as achievable intended for the closing stages of the juncture. Hadpludinburg agreed to this, exclusive of thought and proceeded to guide the injured men out the door. He waited till they were departed to clothe himself in smooth sackcloth designed for the hard days labour.

********


Chapter 1:


Peter Pioneer was having devotions with the OCs when the home shepherd, Marcos Sunbeam, interrupted him, saying that all the adults of the home were theoretically supposed to get together for a last minute meeting in which they would come to a decision whether they would set out to the festivities of the golden mystery or be Zerbin-galatica-shattering and cut down on the Zerbin-galatialy input that would wreak havoc on the youths of the “Family Intergalactical”.

Yep!—you’ve guessed it. This is happening in a further planet far-off faraway named Zerbin-galatia. It had been a wonderful planet in its old days, at least before the Gorgoth-Ablacons invaded the planet. Since that time, the planet malformed into a brutal wreck, leaving the people as workaholics and war mongers. Most of the individuals worked for subordinates they weren’t even on familiar terms with, and the least you may perhaps articulate was that the sphere was in a large jumble.

The 14 adults assembled around the bulky living room table that had been brought to this modest domicile by the sociable Landlord, who was so kind to all that believed in the faith. His given name was Frederish Hangcell, and he had informed the Family home that he would be ready to do anything to rally round them and that he would be waiting for them at the carousing. This made the adults feel uncomfortable as they were not sure if they would attend, but Spring Shower reminded them that they weren’t man pleasers.

Now, Spring Shower is one of the numerous guides that are sent to the “Family Intergalactical” by the Creator to help them get over their battles and trials and if need be, to be of assistance in the time of the end. They all specialise in defined aspects and Spring is the guide of the lamp of the Creator and especially designed for that commission. She is a very powerful being that can go unseen into the enemies’ fortresses (that is, the Gorgoth-Ablacons) and cause such great damage there, that the opponent wouldn’t ever get over it. She is a prevailing warrior indeed.

Back to our story now. As I said, the Family adults were gathering around the table to discus the important matter of whether they should go the golden mystery or not. The home was alienated on that issue so they settled to pray and ask the creator for a rejoinder regarding the issue. This is what they call “C3” which means “Connecting with Connection to Creator”. One of the YAs in the quarters spoke foremost,

“Jesus speaking: I am with you always, even unto the end of the universe. Now, I know some of you don’t what to go to the social gathering or aren’t sure that it would be the paramount, mostly for our younger brood but verily verily I say unto thee, let it be My will, not thine be done”.

Suddenly a strong light filled the room and all the family members felt warmth inside their hearts. As they all sat there in wonder, a deep clear, breathtaking voice broke the silence at an astonishing decibel level that made all the glass in the residence shatter instantaneously and sent the adults flying as they bashed their backs on the hard cold walls which left numerous blood stains . The voice said:

“Henceforth, I give you the undertaking to be at that revelry, and to spread my words unto the lost for this is a great occasion to do so. Go into all the world and shine, show My light to the nations, go forth and preach the gospel, be not afraid of unseen faces, this is your hour, this is what you have geared up to do”

The voice became a shout moreover by now each one in the area was screaming along (with throbbing i.e.).

“Fulfil your destiny in the greatest way possible, be my brightness unto the world, you are my children, nothing can withstand you, GO.”

Then the house filled with an inconceivable radiance as the room burst in flames while millions of hordes of the most powerful angels crammed the room all singing to the glory of the creator. The family felt so much power and pain as the physical and spiritual world merged into one big burst of energy that their shrieks of pain were mingled with praises and thanks. Next, it amplified and the power got stronger and stronger until the mortals begged for it to stop since they felt that they could not take it any longer, but it only multiplied. They then saw the walls moving and crumbling until one wall detonated apart which sent them smashing once again into the opposite wall and falling on the floor.

Then they felt it: a pain that no one has ever imagined before. It was as if billions of galaxies had just exploded right in their heart. Like every atom of their being was torn apart into a million pieces that all had that same unbarring twinge. Like all the nerves of the body had set on fire as hot as uncountable suns and as like they had no feeling but had them all, all once. This seemed to the group similar to centuries of existence as it seemed to be for them also like just an instance for time had vanished and all they wanted was to go back. They fought with their mind as hard as one can but a stronger force prevailed. They saw themselves being shrivelled up as a shiny metal nail pierced their hands with a screech, which continued on, ripping their eardrums as they rolled over themselves repeatedly. Then a blast originating from the big table ended their agony as they only felt that they were drifting into an opened black tunnel. And to end it all, with a start they found that they were lying on the floor of their lounge with the furniture and tables scattered all over the room in pieces, with their attire drenched in blood as well as the floors and walls.


Chapter 2:

Hearts hand ached as she persisted scrubbing the floor with the handkerchief that was the only belonging she owned. It had past down the line from father to son in her family unit for hundreds of years and had been given to her by her father just before he died. Before the death of her dad, her family had been a happy one. Although undersized, in it she never felt friendless or anxious. Her father was a good man and cherished her very much but all fine things have a close and that was no omission for a year before she turned 17, her father interposed himself on the “Gatching-Kngashing” agency (the organisers of the “Grand gala ballad” and some might think for the “Gala of the sad swash” itself) and from that moment on everything went wrong. In the same month, both her parents were fired from their well-paid jobs leaving them in soaring dept with no source of revenue whatsoever. Her mother threw herself on alcohol and her father gambled and stole. They separated not long after, leaving Heart in a pool of insecurity, uncertainty and melancholy. To make matters poorer, while visiting her father she came across a man who named himself “Vicar Victor” who said he was part of a church group that subsisted in close proximity. They talked a little then he said that he had to go but that he had something for her and handed her a pamphlet. She thanked him and left but later that day she read it. Needless to say that in her times of depression she had gotten into some pretty mucky habits that made her feel awful and predestined. The tract was all about chastisement and retribution that the sinners will endure in the time of the end if they didn’t go to church or pay their tithe. This made Heart suffer so ghastly that see even embraced suicide for a time.
But little did she know, the Lord has selected her for a very singular undertaking and he was already functioning in her spirit in order to change her stance on life. Something immense was about to take place and many could sense the voltage in the air.
“Move aside ghastly inferior raced blokes!” Heart squealed out, talking to a group punks listening to devilish rock music in the street. She didn’t have many ethics in her life but she never would have had the delusion of dropping to such a low level as to be proficient in having rock music in fondness. Needless to say, this was on of the Lords little assistances to make up for her shattered life. She quickly walked away knowing the horrific manipulative wherewithal of that kind of poison. She shuttered as she retained the following information: a day ago some very acceptable young teens made a fatal error; they decided to undertake the listening of “Legions of the Bacchus-homosexuals in Hell on death roll’s killings” (almost as evil as the Backstreet boys) more known as the LOT’B’HIH DOK which means in witchcraft language “Baby-cutter degutted acid screeching black metal’s cannibal”. They listened to the crap-fest for an hour and of course went mad (much the same kind of madness our ex-members are inflicted with, see for yourself :). Two of them committed suicide right then and there by biting their arms and toes off and feasting on them succulently till their blood finally exhausted. The others, driven by the violent music, took to the streets, armed with axes and forks; the forks for ripping the eyeballs out of the unfortunate chaps in their way, and the axe for finishing them off to be able to transport their pieces effortlessly to their oven in order to gorge on their garbled limbs. But sadly Heart was used to these kinds of circumstances as in the world she lived in, most had forgotten the ways of the Creator and had turned to sin. Deep in her contemplations, she hadn’t seen the young man stride quickly in front of her. She looked up but it was too late and got ready for the inevitable suite of actions she knew was about to come to pass. They both fell on the hard cold pavement scattering their belongings all over the street. She struggled to get up as she started gathering her possessions when her hand met another, searching ardently like hers, attempting fervently to take back want was rightfully hers, much like the story of her life. She looked up to see a handsome fellow in his early twenties looking down at her smiling?

“I’m terribly sorry mam”, he said helping her up.

“Well well! How about that?” She exclaimed. “Afflicting a young lass are you, I’m a good girl I am!”

- Well I’m sorry but I meant no harm. A young pretty girl like you ought to be treated with respect and I’m not a one to change my behaviour, honest!

Heart wasn’t used to such politeness and said to her self that this was surely the nicest man to have roamed this planet.

- How is it that you’re so courteous and respectful while other folks your age know no precincts? You must have wonderful parents!

- Well mam I do, but that’s not all. My civility owes the organization I’m in for its existence. You might have heard of it, it’s called the “Family intergalactic”. Let me tell you a bit more about my group. The beginning of our century is Zerbin-galatia’s transition period into the Soul Light Era. One of the most pressing needs of humanity and all souls at this time is access to divine wisdom and its gifts of knowledge, insight, love, forgiveness, compassion and peace. Sacred writings have been made available through our spiritual guides to pass down heavenly wisdom and knowledge to those who are open to receiving and disseminating it. Now, much sacred knowledge is flowing again to our planet to help raise the consciousness of humanity and all souls. At this historic period, the Family intergalactic has been formed under Divine Guidance to assist in this mission. Their objective is to offer teachings that reveal practical tools and treasures to empower people to heal and enlighten themselves and others, to transform every aspect of life, and to create a harmonized world and universe. Not so long ago, Johared, one of our members, was chosen as a servant, vehicle and channel to transmit permanent divine healing and blessing treasures to humanity and souls in the universe. These healings and blessings can be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, and they cover all aspects of life, including health, relationships and finances. The Creator also guided us to transmit particular abilities to selected individuals in order to create inspired Writers for our tracts and posters. They are also called Writing Channels of prophecy. Each is assigned a series of subjects to flow on. Interesting isn’t it. I bet you would like to know what prophecy is!

- I certainly would adore such a fixation but I, in actuality, necessitate currently the departure of my organism.

- Okay, that’s swell! Would you take pleasure in a date when time is favourable to our conversing?

- Yes, and this be said devoid of less then a yoctomesure or an angström of a dougt.

Heart walked away feeling giddy within. She was deeply engrossed in what the young man had to say and was raring to go convene with him once again.

Chapter 3:

Everything was tranquil and serene in Zerbin-galatia’s striking country side on a sunlit Saturday morning. But this was highly bizarre because since the Gorgoth-Ablacons arrival, silence was unheard of on this planet. The reason is the following: the Gorgoth-Ablacons present the incapability of standing anything viewed as good by the Creator such as love, peace, joy, longsuffering, gentleness, hope, faith, meekness, temperance which against such there is no law. But this was clearly the calm before a storm. People could feel it in the air and it was NOT inspiring. Babies cried as their mothers held them close, dogs barked and hauled in the sky; birds flew away with fright, teachers called their pupils back in the school. One and all were waiting for the storm to come in anguish. BOOM, there it was, a powerful shockwave crossed the nearby villages destroying much in its path. An elderly man sitting in his rocking chair was struck right in the face. As an uncontrollable spasm took hold of his body, as blood spurted out freely from his nose and mouth and as his veins burst from the pressure of his blotted nerves everyone around him cursed the name of the one (normally unspoken of for fear of the consequences of the pronunciation of name of the Evil one) they knew responsible for this act.

Where had this explosion originated from? Every individual in the nearby area knew the answer to this question. The cause of this very cataclysm was the cause of their everyday fear.

And the monster was in his donjon!

AAAAAAAAAAAAaararrrrh, my plans are foiled again, and it’s the same horrific irritating people every time.” As you might guess the shockwave instigated from this powerful yet impossibly evil being’s roar.

Bring me Gorshank-Biznoc-Narvak” he boomed, his voice deep as Hell itself and as loud and off as if at one of concerts of Jerry Pladino and seated front-row.

“Master bids for me?” the minion shrieked, trying to make his frail voice louder than the screaming sounds prevalent in the donjon.

Bring to me the one who foiled our plans”

“Your wish is always my command as well as my ubiquitous earning great and powerful, Therli”.

Yep, you’ve guessed it, this monster was the God Gorgoth-Ablacons (or so they would like to think since they consider him a god) (They also considered him a loving teacher or grandpa) and he was most called by the name “Therli” or “professor Therli”. Being such an important figure for this cursed race, Therli needn’t do any of the dirty work, but being as wicked as you possibly can get, he took pleasure in ending lives or torturing people and this was no omission. Driven out of his mind by anger, Therli ordered the poor chap to be anointed with oil then dressed in a short tunic. The prisoner was put first in a bath of hot water, then cold. Next, he was seated on the couch for some quality wordtime. Then, with a stone tied to his feet, he was raised up again, kept there for a while, and dropped again, and his shins were poked with reeds as sharp as swords. Again and again he was hauled up until, on the thirteenth elevation, the rope broke and he fell from a great height with the stone still tied to his feet. His bowels gushed out onto the cold rocks as he screamed the way a man has never screamed before. But the prisoner was a sturdy one and still had in mind the plans for his escape. His tried to get up but realized his legs made a 90 degree angle at the knees. He cursed Therli loudly and tried to crawl to safety but his intestines got caught under a rock near him. The more he tried to leave, the more his body emptied itself of its guts. He finely give-up hope and lay down to die. The destroyer of the faithful stood looking at him; he lay there only half alive, with his body shattered. The little devil then took the body and disposed of it in a cesspool. Therli laughed heartily, his chortle deeper and more terrifying then the Snowman’s.

Chapter 4:

Hadpludinburg arrived delayed that night and was exhausted from his long day’s work. Although his young age declared the boy unfit to work hard, this fellow was a beast at his vocation (sort of like Mama). His labour was a lowly one, but everyone knows, little people are the most important. Indeed, without this young man the reservations wouldn’t be made, for the want of the reservations, the Grand-Schitlein is lost, for the want of the Grand-Schitlein (on a sunny day), the plateaus aren’t made, for the want of the plateaus (if the Farkrazers don’t do their job), the intro of the ballad is lost, and for the want of the ballad’s intro (if the gala falls on an eclipse day), the grand-Ballad’s close loses a little bit of it’s charm, so indeed Hadpludinburg played an essential role for the well being of the Zerbin-Galatiens. In that doing he was highly respected by all and sundry but this didn’t make him happier. Undeniably not, he was fed up with the existence he led; wealth and gold he had but love was what he was seeking for. Forsaken by his parents at an infantile age, he was forced to mend for himself and therefore knew neither the warmth of love nor the feeling of affection inside him. His heart became cold and dried up and he no longer longed for a simple hug or kiss someone might offer him, or so he thought. Deep inside Hadpludinburg stayed a lad but tried hard to not show the least hint of emotions still left in him. He viewed them as weakening or simply as a distraction to the goal ahead which was the Zerbin-Galatia’s dream: the join the Wyshee-washi Quauruppt agency (like becoming a VS). Neither close to his goal nor satisfied with his life was he and wasn’t about to give in to his resolutions. The Family had a name for this breed of populace: the SS squadron (Stubborn Systemites) and they were out to get them.

He stumbled in his room and dived towards his computer; the poor thing had more problems than what we knew. He was victim of the addiction of the “WEB”! It all started one day when a man named Webster (and this he knew only because he had the time to read his name on his badge) visited his dwelling. He forced the entrance opened, barged in his room and socked him on the head. As Hadpludinburg drifted into unconsciousness he had the time to get a glance in the bag of the reprobate, crammed with the maximum quality, best knowledged brainwashing material. The next thing he made out was that he was awake, sitting next to the computer Webster had mounted and he was on the Web! He latter learned that this had happened with most people he talked about it to.

He started surfing the internet looking for all and nothing. Bored was he with this “Web” but for some reason, he couldn’t get enough. Then a dreadful thought was planted in his psyche. He crossed the threshold of Google and typed something out; the Lord was controlling this moment and a miracle was achieved in the form of a typo. The word it had ended up turning into was “Sect”. On one of the links there was written the word “The Truth”, and Hadpludinburg, thirsty for answers clicked on it. The spiritual warfare began! One on side, the wickedness struggled to twist his mind into thinking malicious thoughts, on the other, the Creators beings, fighting to make him recognize and discriminate propagandist lies and help him make out right from wrong.

Now this link was a portal to one of the antagonistic Ex-members/detractors site (incredibly insane people whose only goal their existence is to destroy the lives of the loving, sweet and comprehensive Family members). He read through material such as:

accusations of child abuse, court cases, insane literature, finance stupidity, education overlook, consequences of constant movement for younger breed, lack of social skills, brainwashing allegations, rightwing extremists, hierarchical temperament, C.O nepotism, ill treatment regarding the large number of single moms, (in relations to: ) physiological deficiency for “Jesusbabys”, hypocrisy indictment, offspring exploitation, anti-Semite tendencies, absence of medical awareness, despoliation of christen beliefs, child caging, severance stance, over-petitioning actions, abuse of authority regarding members, over-use of corporal punishment, propaganda claimed from mystique origin, religious teacher’s allusion of grandeur, forced marriages (on some occasions), wrong use of vocabulary, unemployment level superior to Abraham’s children, false claims of missionary work, philanthropist of spurious hopes, sham teachings concerning science, (in relations to: ) declaration with the aim of leading to believe that science instruction in public school is phoney, bizarre customs, non-existence of private life, religious pornography easily accessible to children, demand of wealth on behalf of the members (condition for participation in sect’s activities), kids raised in sect with illegal past (such as: child abuse (listed earlier), prostitution, mendicancy, financial fraud, child incarceration, child trouncing, child grouping… (Why always child).

Hadpludinburg laughed heartily at what he knew was a bunch of lies. Looking at the early Family photos he thought to himself:

“How can such loving and sweet people be so dire, such a mania isn’t possible! Look how those children are smiling. Even the dimwittest bloke can tell these children are well taken care of. Look how the uncle is holding that little girl, such affection and love!”

He was deeply moved by such a spectacle of warmth and friendship and need not ask himself the question of the reality of these allegations. Clicking on “court cases” he hoped the ending was in favour of the Family. He looked through the many court cases launched on this group and to his surprise he noticed the absence of a case won in the ex-members favour. One particularly caught his eyes. Happening in Australia, the kids had been abducted from their homes and placed in a penitentiary hell hole called “Mortfield”.